We talked almost every day on the phone. Sometimes it was a check in call. Other times it was a 45 minute chat.

It was late afternoon when the phone rang. As soon as I heard Mark’s hushed voice, I knew that something was wrong.

He had been fired.

This is my one of my dearest friends we’re talking about. Mark and I met 30 some years ago as rookies in the world of broadcasting.

Making a lot of money isn’t the road to happiness

Within a few years he moved to NYC, quickly rose the corporate ladder and became a high level executive.

I heard about all of his professional victories.  He talked about the amount of money he made. It was a lot.

Once in a while when he felt safe and vulnerable, his feelings of not ‘being good enough’ came through.

His colleagues and bosses were ruthless, lacking in compassion and interpersonal skills. Mark didn’t fit in.

He came to me for counsel.  He observed me living a life filled with passion…gardening, playing the cello, and writing. And wanted to know how I did it.

I told him there was no magic to it, that he had options. His response was that maybe in 5 years when he had made enough money he could imagine leaving his job and doing something he loved.

Getting fired can be the key to freedom

Mark was a prisoner of his life. He felt disconnected from his wife, friends, but especially from himself. He knew that he needed to get out of where he was.

But he didn’t have the courage.

Until he got fired.

Underneath the bravado, Mark knew that his days were numbered. He had seen other colleagues thrown under the bus. But didn’t want to admit that he was next in line.

The person who fired him was a friend. They went on vacations and did family outings together.

After it happened, Mark went through phases of anger, fear, grappling with the unknown, and reflection.

Resiliency is an element of creativity

It didn’t take long for him to get back on his feet. His creative juices went into third gear.

He put his toe in the water and tried a few ideas. When they didn’t pan out, he returned to the drawing board and waited for the next idea to emerge.

Creativity can happen any time and anywhere

Mark took a part time job at a clothing store to keep himself busy. He turned it into a competition,  working to become the top salesperson in the store…which he did.

He reframed how he perceived a minimum wage job, making it playful and productive.  An example of creativity at its best.

The good news is that while Mark was still working as an executive, his instincts kicked in. He applied and was accepted to a 2 year program to become an interfaith minister.

At seminary, Mark was a fish in water. He immersed himself in studying religions, rituals, and spirituality. And began his journey of self  forgiveness, love, and compassion.

When you find the key to freedom, you can live your dreams

After selling their house,  Mark and Susan (his wife) moved to Montana. It was something they had dreamt about doing when he retired. They were now free to do it.

At our graduation (I also went to seminary), Mark told me he was going to spend the rest of his life being of service to God.

I looked in Mark’s eyes and saw his soul radiating.  I knew he had found his truth.

Three years later:

Mark is working as a Hospice Chaplain at a major hospital. Staff and patients are drawn to his kindness and compassion. He’s highly respected.

His weekends are filled officiating at wedding ceremonies, funerals, and baby namings.

He and Susan have developed a rich, loving relationship. They are part of a close knit community and surrounded by family. His mother and sons followed them there.

One more thing. Susan was diagnosed with cancer 13 years ago. It eventually metastisized to other parts of her body.

She could let cancer dictate her life. But no way she’s going to let it happen.

Mark and Susan treasure every minute they have together. They go hiking, play golf on weekends, and continue to host family dinners.

And my dear friend Mark?

He’s a man dealing with serious illness and death at work and  home.

He’s a man at peace, grateful for being alive. Passionate about his calling and family. And the happiest he has ever been.

Here are 5 tips :

1. Be honest with yourself

In Mark’s case, the cover story was that he got fired. But the real one was that he hated his job and was afraid to quit.

Reflect on what really happened.  The sooner you wrap your arms around your underlying feelings and story, the more quickly you’ll be able to take the next step in healing.

2.  Slow down

Give yourself a time out. You’ve just received a major shock.  Let it sink in.  Do things that will make you feel good. You want to sleep in late? Do it. Feel like treating yourself to a double feature matinee? Go for it.  Want to sprawl on the sofa and read a junkie novel  after breakfast”? Sounds good to me.

3.  Have a talk with yourself

When things get tough, it’s easy to blame yourself. To feel like a failure and ‘less than’. That’s no good.

A good exercise to do. Look at yourself in the bathroom mirror.  Make friends with the person looking back at you. Tell yourself that you’re a kind, loving, intelligent and capable person.

Have this talk with yourself each morning and night.

4.  Work at being resilient and optimistic 

Resilience and optimism go hand in hand. If you’re not optimistic by nature, don’t worry. You can work at it.

Replace negative thoughts zooming around your brain with positive ones. Every time you feel like giving up or think ‘I can’t do any more’, don’t let yourself off the hook.  Tell yourself ….’yes I can!’

Have faith and practice.

5.   Brainstorm

Invite your family and close friends to a brainstorming session. After Mark lost his job, we spent a weekend brainstorming non-stop.

People who know and care about you see your strengths and gifts. They can come up with new opportunities and observations that you wouldn’t be able to do on your own. Plus being surrounded by all of this positive energy will give you a boost of confidence and a dose of ‘big love’.

6.  Have a strong support group

Stay in touch with your friends and family. Let them know that you need their help and support. Not just once in a while. But ongoing.

Say ‘yes’ when they ask to meet you or want to introduce you to someone. Even if you don’t feel like it.

7.  Take action

Start with small steps.  Some phone calls. Taking a half day workshop. Buying fresh fruits, veggies, and other nutritious food to make a delicious dinner.

As you feel better, add in more activity. At least every few days, take a reading on how you’re feeling.

 8. Give yourself a pat on the back

You don’t give yourself enough credit. Look how far you’ve come in such a short time.

Go to the famous mirror. Smile at the person on the other side. Give her a big thank you for reflecting back to you the best of who you are.

 

Tell us your story about dealing with obstacles, how you made it through, and where you are today.

 

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