“Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude.” Martin Luther King Jr.

There are lots of reasons you ask for forgiveness.

Because you did or said something that hurts another person. If you feel guilty about an action or thought. Or it’s just easier than trying to talk about it with an individual who is convinced it’s your fault.

How many times have you lashed out at someone who has hurt you?

How many times have you held a grudge, even if someone has said they’re sorry?

You’re pissed at your husband because you don’t think he’s pulling his weight with the housecleaning. Eventually, you blow up like a tornado. He says he’s sorry.

You accept his apology. But on the inside, you’re still furious.

How many times are you steaming inside because you’re offended by what a friend has said to you… and they don’t even know that you’ve been hurt by their words?

It’s not a pretty picture. And it’s certainly not a formula for having loving, connected relationships.

You’re stuck in an exhausting cycle. You feel lousy about yourself. You know you have to make some changes but don’t know how.

FIVE TIPS

1. Forgive yourself

Forgiving yourself is a process, not a quick fix.

You can’t snap your fingers and make it happen.

As a minister and spiritual counselor, I work with individuals who come to me because they want to have more meaning in their lives. I’ve never had a client walk through my door that doesn’t have issues around self forgiveness.

So don’t worry, you’re not alone.

A good first step is to admit how angry you are with yourself. How ashamed and disappointed you feel. The tendency will be to run from it…..don’t.

Allow self anger to come out of the shadows. Observe and get to know what situation sparks it.

Every one has this facet to their personality. It’s part of the human experience.

 2. Give up the need to always be right

You don’t forgive easily. You always have to prove that you have good reason to be angry. A need to maintain control.

You run from your fear like a sprinter in a race.

That’s not a good place to be.

Close your eyes and imagine how it would feel if you chose to be silent.  Not an easy thing to do.  But with desire and practice, your icy stubborn piece will melt into a fresh water river.

3. Don’t let other peoples’ emotions effect you

The way that someone responds to a situation is a reflection of how she feels about herself. It’s not about you.

When someone’s angry at you, look at the situation objectively. Rather than immediately responding, sit quietly and check out your own feelings.

If your behavior has been hurtful, the solution is to say you were wrong and ask for forgiveness.

And that’s it. No self flagellation. It’s important to learn from your mistakes but not to beat yourself up.

Not only does guilt not serve a purpose but it’s counter productive. It keeps you stuck in a place of shame and feeling ‘less than’.

Hold your head high and be proud of who you are. Yes, you’re imperfect. But all of us are.

4. Be in the moment

How can you use it in learning how to forgive?

You hurt someone, they hurt you. You ask for forgiveness or they ask for forgiveness. It doesn’t matter how the scenario plays out.

The bottom line is that all is forgiven.

Now get on with your life. These moments are gone. Never to be retrieved.

If you dwell on them, your thoughts are in the past. Stay focused on the present. Each moment.

5. Start with small changes 

Think about it. If you begin to make small changes in your behavior, you’re creating a new response.

If you begin to think in a way you’ve never thought before, you’re creating untouched emotional and neuron pathways.

That’s pretty cool.

I call these step by step changes ‘creative morsels’.

They’re tiny delicious pieces (think chocolate chips) that are the building blocks of your new foundation.

A foundation where you’ll be able to forgive yourself.

A foundation where you’ll be able to forgive others.

When forgiving becomes a part of who you are, you’ll feel like a huge weight has been taken off of your shoulders.

You’ll no longer walk around being miserable. You’ll be smiling like an elf. No longer feeling tight like a coiled spring.

And finally, you’ll experience life with an open heart.

favorite inspirational posts of the week

Welcome To The New Possibility of  Today Where Everything Is Possible For You Sybil Chavis

Taking Time To Smell The FlowersVidya Sury

Where Do You Find Your Inspiration: 10 Ways To Find Your Inner Muse —- Betsy McKee Henry

Bold Living and Wildly Successful Tess Marshall

Treatment Talk Monthly Message – Cathy Taughinbaugh

6 Positively Powerful Tips To  Re-Ignite Your Excitement About LifeZeenat Merchant-Syal

Choose To Be Happy for Happiness’ Sake — Nea Joy

Tough Times Can Drive Your Creativity Into Third Gear: 8 Tips on How To Do It
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