Today I’m interviewing Alex Blackwell about his new book Saying Yes To Change: 10 Timeless Life Lessons for Creating Positive Change.
Click on Alex’ site, The Bridgemaker, to experience and sink into his passion and firm belief that each of us has the power to make significant changes in our lives.
1. Why did you decide to write a book at this point in your life?
It has been a story in the making for the past nine years. In 2003, my life was at a crossroads. On the verge of losing my wife, I decided it was time to change. The spiritual and personal formation seminar I attended provided the kick start I needed.
A few years later, I started The Bridgemaker. It was soon clear that my message and personal journey resonated with many readers. So long answer short, I decided to put my story in one place, a book, to inspire others to begin walking their paths to positive change also.
2. You were at a dark place in your life when you decided to make changes. How can Saying YES To Change help people who are ambivalent about their life…discontent but not in excruciating pain?
Fran, I believe people don’t change until they are ready to. Perhaps through sharing my story others may become motivated to want to change – to want to see the beauty that is waiting just for them.
3. You say that ‘you can try too hard in your relationships’ which is the opposite of what we’re led to believe we need to do. Talk to us about this.
Early in my marriage I tried to be the perfect husband but that wasn’t what my wife wanted – and it wasn’t what our marriage needed. I wrote a post about the need to be perfect two Christmases ago. “After all, store-bought gifts may come in the right color and in the perfect size but love doesn’t have to be perfect – it just has to be given the chance to win.”
The meaning of the post was my wife didn’t want me to do everything perfectly – she just wanted to see me smile more often. So, my suggestion: Smile and celebrate the imperfect you. And when you do, love will have every chance to win!
4. One of your chapters is about learning to live without asterisks. Can you explain what that means?
It’s about not setting limits on how we think our lives should be. Asterisks are typically associated with limitations, restrictions, or conditions. We can get mired down with how we should do something, rather than following our heart.
For example, “I want to write a book, but I should spend more time with my family.” You know what I did? I asked my family. They told me to follow my dream and write. On my last day in this world, I won’t have an asterisk next to the goal of writing a book!
5. ‘Being inspired by love’ is important to you. What circumstance ignited that desire? And how do you suggest people learn about and experience it within themselves?
It’s about making the decision to make love last, no matter the circumstances. Everyday life can get in the way of sustaining intimate relationships. But when we make the decision to put love before the chores, the bills, and life’s other challenges, then we are being inspired by love.
6. You believe that ‘Love is a choice. There is a difference between love, the feeling, and love, the choice.’ Can you explain what you mean?
Love is a choice means creating the awareness to wipe away the dirt, pull away the layers and let your heart shine. We are faced with the choice to be love on a daily basis: “Do I really listen to what my child is saying; Do I stop and help someone in need’ Do I respond when I’m being called to serve?” All are choices. And all require love.
7. So many people have been worn down by life and have lost their self confidence. What steps can they take to develop it?
Begin by taking baby steps. Do one small thing each day that makes you feel good about yourself. Not rocket science, right? But sometimes people get stuck and do nothing. Small actions do lead to substantial results, like restoring self-confidence.
8. You write “No matter how many times you have given up, what matters is how you will respond the next time doubt surfaces. And what matters most is learning how to take down the white flag of defeat for good.” What does this mean?
It’s about turning away from the enemy of your soul when he whispers in your ear, “You can’t do this.” I believe our life’s purpose is wired into our DNA but there are forces in the Universe that don’t want us to achieve this purpose. When we hear the enemy’s voice we need to lean on faith and believe we are more than enough to accomplish what our heart is calling us to do.
9. How do you incorporate faith into your daily life?
As you can tell from my answer above, my faith is important and I use it every day. I get discouraged and feel like giving up sometimes but then I go back to the strongest foundation I know – my faith. Standing on my faith I feel grounded again.
10. Your book is filled with wisdom, love, and good advice. But for someone who reads it and says ‘what next?’, can you suggest in 3 sentences how they can begin their journey?
Here are my three favorites:
You cannot change or heal what you do not acknowledge.
Celebrate the beautiful you.
No matter how you may feel today, believe this: don’t give up on you because you do have value and you are already loved.
Alex is giving away 2 copies of his book for FREE. You only have to share this interview on Facebook, Tweet it and leave a comment below mentioning that you did so. The first 2 people receive the book. Remember to add @AlexBlackwell at the end of the tweet or Facebook mention.
You can connect with Alex on Facebook.
You can now find Saying Yes To Change : 10 Timeless Life Lessons for Creating Positive Change on Amazon.
Now it’s your turn! What motivated you to say YES to Change in your life?
This really resonates with me – I find change so difficult! Add to that my penchant for perfectionism and … well…. better I should read this book or my guess is someday I may find myself needing to write it LOL. I love the questions you asked…. I think you highlighted some of the most important pieces of advice he has to offer. (And yes, on the remotest of chances that I am an early poster, I’ll head over now to Facebook and post a link there!
Cathy….Most of us struggle with perfectionism and our resistance to change.
So don’t worry, you’re not alone. I’m sure Alex will have some thoughts on this.
Always great to see your face online…:) Fran
Cathy,
For me, the fear of change would keep me stuck. It wasn’t until I was faced with losing my marriage, did I face my fears and learn that change doesn’t hurt, it only helps.
Warmly,
Alex
For me, that “fear” translates into paralyzing anxiety that I deal with most often with avoidance and procrastination. I’m blessed with a patient and understanding husband, but this is an issue that has cost me financially when I avoided handling and changing things I should have in a more timely way.
At this stage in my life, it’s time for me to get rid of these negative habits and focus on the positive, productive things that I can do that will enable us to really thrive in our retirement years. Change has to happen, and some of it has to come from within, and that is definitely a challenge for me.
Thanks for the inspiration!
Nice interview. Great information. I cannot wait to read the book. I like “baby steps.” I–and I think many people–are caught up in the big picture and easily get frustrated when change is not immediate.
Charles,
Thanks in advance for reading my book. It took me 40+ years to learn the lesson of baby steps, but now its gives me a healthy perspective when facing new challenges.
With appreciation,
Alex
Hi Fran and Alex,
Love this line – “Love is a choice means creating the awareness to wipe away the dirt, pull away the layers and let your heart shine.” Congrats on the amazing book. It is a must read!
Cathy,
I’m happy that line resonates with you because I mean, and believe, in every word. Thanks so much for your sincere endorsement, too!
Alex
Hi Fran an Alex,
I love this interview. Alex you have such straight, honest, wise stories. I’m always reminded of my own family when I read about yours.
Fran for the record I’m the furthest one can be from a perfectionist. On my bad days…I’m Tess the Mess;) I killed one of my plants:( But hey two are thriving!
Tess…
HA!! I love ‘Tess the Mess’.
Killing plants? One of my favorite subjects. For years, EVERYBODY has asked me how I became such a good gardener. My answer always is….by killing A LOT of plants. 🙂 fran
Tess, then I’m in good company with you! Thanks for your warm support.
Alex
One of the things I love about this is that Alex is so honest about the turning point in his life and how he changed things. When someone shares their own story in this way, it reassures all of us that we can take an honest look at our lives and change things for the better by changing the only thing we have any control over–ourselves. Great interview.
Galen,
For me, change did start by becoming aware of (1) the need for change and (2) I owned the ability to change – both liberating things.
Thanks for your continued support,
Alex
It reminds me of the wonderful Lao Tzu quote, “A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
Wonderful interview Fran and Alex! I have the book and love it! I love your idea of taking baby steps.
Oops! The last sentence was supposed to be the first. I wasn’t wearing my new glasses!! Sorry!
Thanks Betsy,
What we learned when we were very young, still applies today, right?
Love the quote, too.
Alex