“I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, compassion. These are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and in thoughts, you return to the Source of Being.” Lao-Tzu
How To Explore and Discover Your True Passions of Life
Do you remember wanting to learn?
Wanting to discover what you didn’t know about?
Wanting to explore those hobbies and activities you couldn’t get enough of, the ones you always made time for, no matter how busy your schedule?
I do.
It began in college when I lived in a basement apartment in Hyde Park with three other students, working two jobs to pay my expenses.
It didn’t bother me. I was thrilled to be studying. My drafty, damp room was my haven, filled with plants and stacks of classical records I played endlessly.
There was an ever-changing pile of books on the shelf near my bed, and the university’s piano rooms were just a few blocks away.
I could practice whenever I pleased. I couldn’t ask for more. I had hit the mother lode. This was “the stuff” that made my soul come alive.
Hydrangea in bloom
Guard that “stuff” vigilantly….for it can slip away.
During a period in my life, my passions were put on the back burner. When I was working as an executive, building a house in an upper middle class suburb, and raising two children, I got caught up in a lifestyle that wasn’t aligned to who I was. I was living in a township where: Kids drove shiny new BMWs with a look of smug privilege etched on their faces. Parents were more concerned about their children’s’ external achievements than what was going on inside of them. The school superintendent spoke with pride about students with high SAT scores and were admitted to Ivy League schools. Values that I strongly believe in – like kindness, generosity of spirit, and humility – were not taught in the school district. I knew something was wrong. But I desperately wanted to fit in, so I gave it my best shot. The clothes. The house. The cars. And it didn’t work. How had I landed here?
The short answer: I’d been sleepwalking.
What helped my authentic self re-emerge?
The things I loved. Even during this dark phase, my passions waited patiently for me, knowing I’d return to them when I was ready. And when I did, they welcomed me with open arms. My creative playmates were raring to go. This time I didn’t take my passions for granted. I noticed the lump in my throat when a passage in a book moved me. I felt the thrill of seeing spring bulbs emerging from the soil. I listened when I heard the glorious sound of a Bach fugue.
Tuning A Cello
I remembered my passions and they brought meaning to my life.
Twenty five years later, I ‘ve moved half way across the world, given away 99% of my possessions and gone from a large suburban home on sprawling land to an urban apartment with a rooftop garden and little furniture I have my music, my plants, my books. I smile often. It happens every morning when I look at my cello and music stand next to it, walk onto the rooftop to gaze at my plants, or as I slowly wash my coffee cup looking out the window. I think about my grand piano, far away in the Philadelphia studio of my cello teacher, where she takes care of it, appreciates and plays it. I can almost imagine its sound. My life is simple…and yet internally exuberant. I’m free to work on the stuff that matters. It’s a good life, and I’m grateful that I didn’t ignore my passions or set them aside. I lived them. I rediscovered them. And I experienced them every day. And I knew that I would never live without them again. Nature, music, and gardening are with me everyday. They inform and enrich my soul. It has been a long journey but the benefits are enormous…peace, happiness, and and a feeling of authenticity. How about you? What makes your heart sing?
I had a complete lifestyle change after I got married when I was 33. (Today is my 15th wedding anniversary). Between then and now, I’ve had to prioritize in a major way about life in general. I went from a high profile job to staying at home a little and then getting a part time job just so I didn’t have too many adjustments to make, when I did get a “proper” job. That never happened as things were hectic at home, with mom being sick for several years and having to be in and out of hospital and a growing baby. Yet, through it all, I realized, sitting at my mom’s bedside through the nights that nothing mattered more than her getting better. When she did, something else came up and that was my short term goal. Life was busy – and I’ve learned to live each day, appreciating what I have. I am happier now, giving away anything I don’t use and being more with less. Now with our daily routine, while I do have dreams and life-goals, I am happy because I am not under peer pressure.
I loved this post. We really don’t need too much to feel fulfilled.
Dear Vidya….
Happy 15th Anniversary! That’s an impressive number.
Vidya, you’ve gone through a lot of changes.
You learned at a pretty young age that you can plan all you want but life in real time can change everything in a second. I love the saying: ‘Man plans and God laughs.’
Isn’t it amazing how an illness of a loved one can help you prioritize very quickly? What a gift for your mother that you were at her side throughout her illness. And what a gift for you. It sounds like you breathed life back into your mother.
I think after we have enough experience at being flexible, we learn not to make grand, long term plans.
Vidya, maybe you are living your dream everyday. I can think of no better life than one lived with a sense of consciousness. It sounds to me like you’re doing a pretty good job of that.
It’s great that you don’t feel pressure. That is a kind of freedom. And yes, you are right. We don’t need a lot to be fulfilled. Fran
Ok, I think we need to start a club for ladies who followed the executive path, thinking they needed to attain whatever that fantasy promised, then woke up one day and did a 180 to find true happiness, LOL.
I followed that same path, although I remembered who I was several times. I just couldn’t hold on to it. The “fantasy” was stronger. I’d start making money and blam, I’d want the lifestyle. Nothing wrong with that, only then I started ignoring my intuition in order to chase that lifestyle, even when it clearly wasn’t serving me.
The really ironic thing is that, although I’ve made more money than I do now, my standard of living is much, MUCH higher than it’s ever been. i wouldn’t trade it for the world, or an extra hundred grand a year. I’m free, I do what I want with my time, I don’t force myself to do anything I don’t want to do, I get to work on my passion and I get to help others. Oh, and I’m happy. That one alone is worth all the executive perks in the world. 🙂
Huge hugs!
Melody
Dear Melody,
Great idea about starting an ex-ecutive club. Maybe some of the women who we both know should put together a group and write a book about our experiences…but as a guide for women starting on their paths OR at the crossroads of making decisions (no joke)
I’m in total agreement about having less money but a higher standard of living. That you’re happy Melody is a HUGE gift. What a way to go through life.
I’m having a great time getting to know you. You are quite a special lady. xxoo-Fran
Hi Fran,
What a great story! Music, plants, and books…it sounds like heaven. Hubs isn’t into simplicity one bit so I can only simplify within the relationship. We compromise on a lot. I gave my car to my granddaughter a few months ago because we really only use one.
Every time I use the (his) car and drop him off at work the guys say, “Who really gave away their car!” Funny, eh?
One of my four daughters went to school at U of C. I love that campus, city, need I go on? Some of my best memories are from her years there.
Tess,
I remember in one of your posts that you mentioned giving up your car. Ahhh…a husband not into simplicity. That’s OK….Husband/wife gardeners with different styles learn how to make it work. With your exuberance and flexibility, I’m sure your husband has no complaints.
In one of our initial contacts, you mentioned that your daughter went to The U of C. You either love or hate that school….and I was one of the lovers. Chicago? My favorite US city. Who knows? Maybe one day we can meet there, visit the campus, spend time in the city and get to know each other in person. I have a feeling we would have one hell of a good time. xxoo-Fran
Well I’m joining the club too! Executive for 20+ years (I’m actually still in it but doing it much differently) and finally woke up to what life is really about. I’m working hard on not needing an outside job (my goal is to be there by the end of this year or sooner) and focusing on my passions every day.
Although I’m still an exec, I work from home and have my kids around me. I live “in the middle of nowhere” in the mountains of Colorado in my comfortable dream home. I’m constantly trying to give away more stuff but, like Tess, my hub isn’t into it either.
Fran, your writing is so beautiful! I could feel the different feelings in your heart as you spoke about your passions vs. your suburban life. Yes, happiness is so simple.
Dear Paige…
I have no doubt that you will not need an outside job by the end of 2012. And I’ll be there to cheer you on.
I didn’t know you were working at home. How wonderful for you and the kids. I know that it’s not the ideal situation BUT it sure beats being in the office the entire day.
Oooohhh….I can imagine how idyllic your setting is. Send me a photo…I’d love to see it.
Paige…believe me, when my kids were younger, I was surrounded by more possessions. I think I imagined that I would pass all the stuff down to them. How silly? And surprise…they’re both living in Israel.
I so appreciate your kind words about my writing….especially from someone whose words flow like a never ending river. xxoo Fran
i had the same experience except i don’t have kids yet. i had to go through depression to rediscover my passion of writing!
Noch Noch
Enoch…
It often happens that we need to go through difficult times in order to get to the good stuff. Am glad you were able to rediscover you passion for writing. A huge smile came across my face when I read your reads. Thanks for sharing. Fran
Hi Fran,
Being an Aries I am a big believer in following my bliss. Joseph Campbell was an Aries too.
In any case, I can’t do things which I have no interest in. I may have tried to fit in during my teens but I soon came to realize that my interests were different from others. There is no point bending over backwards for others and compromising myself in the process.
My main interests are world history, military strategy and divination. I love to contemplate difficult situations and choices that people with great power have to make. I suppose that is what happens when you are an INFJ; you tend to focus on the weightier issues in life.
That said, it is fun for me to divine the outcome of things before they happen and then to watch events unfold as expected. If need be, this foresight enables me to make changes to prevent or pre-empt problems or I can choose to seize the opportunities that I know will come my way.
Follow your passion, it will guide you to the role you have to play in this life.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article!
Irving the Vizier
Hi Irving….
Ahhh…you’re an Aries. Joseph Campbell was an Aries? He did make a huge impact on hundreds of thousands of us.
You’re a lucky individual that you’ve never been swayed to try to fit in…to follow others.
Plus, it sounds like you have great intuition…what a wonderful gift to weave into your life.
Yep, following your passion or as Joseph Campbell said, follow your bliss, is the way to go! Good to see your comment here. 🙂 Fran
This is really an amazing club here! I enjoyed reading all the comments here.
My journey has been pretty similar. I rose fast and had money, paid car expenses and private club memberships as a result of my job. And then I decided to give it all up when my kids came. The decision is not a typical one, because females are encouraged to work in the country from where I came from.
Fran, I love your tip, “Place a premium on weaving your passions into your daily life.” It is what I do. Thumbs up to your well-written post!
Evelyn…
It is interesting how a group of women have gone this route…from executive/business to a more meaningful life. I mentioned to one of our friends that a group of us should get together and write a ‘how to’ /personal journey book. What do you think?
Thanks for your kind comments…xxoo-Fran
Hi Fran,
It amazes me how much emphasis is placed on external things. Many people are financially wealthy yet they are miserable with their lives. I love reading the stories about CEO’s who quit their high paying jobs to go and open their own coffee shop or whatever.
If we are not happy with our lives then no external circumstances or things are that important.
Justin,
i agree with you about the stories of CEOs who quit their jobs to create a life with more meaning, less stress, and a lot more fun.
I remember the story of the President of Haverford College who worked 7 different jobs. He wanted to have a variety of work experiences in his lifetime.
What an inspiration…
Thanks for your thought Justin….you’re right on target. Fran
Fran,
I’ve been very busy but still wanted to comment on this wonderful post of finding yourself. First of all, love the Lao-Tzu quote at the start of the post. I love the story of knowing as a college student what you wanted out of life and then being distracted by material things and achievements. I think most people go through this. But you got to beyond what most people do and get back to the roots of your passions. Love this story!! Thanks for sharing!
Hi Betsy,
You raise a good question. I wonder if most college students are passionate about living and/or have a specific passion. I don’t know. Yep….but a lot of us sure do get distracted by external stuff as we have children, acquire external status, etc. I think that’s one of the reasons that decluttering and simplicity have become such hot movements. You’re one lucky lady that you are brimming over with passion. And that great news is that you’re sharing it with the world. 🙂 Fran
What a refreshing post. I’ve found in my own life and of course still find that life is very clever at giving me a slap on the head if I get a bit stuck in some idea or habit or life experience. And of course it’s painful at the time but — I’ve found if I accept change and keep going and keep looking deeper what I thought was tough bananas and maybe even the end of the world turns out to be a door to a new life.
Love and blessings to you Fran.
Christopher…
What a wonderful way with words you have. I agree with you 100%. You know the say ‘If you resist, it persists.’ If we resist change, it does bite us in the ass…that’s for sure.
I am one of those who naturally tends to look deeper. I’m presently on putting one step forward and staying on my journey…no matter how scary it may feel. Thanks for your words of inspiration….and for stopping by.:) fran