A week before Yom Kippur, my eldest dog Sassey, became sick. Initially, she was diagnosed with an upset stomach – athough I knew that wasn’t the reason why she was so lethargic. I took her for another visit to the vet on Saturday. He did x-rays and blood work and still was unable to diagnose what was wrong. By the time I called on Tuesday morning and said that she was worse, he arranged for an ultra-sound. The results weren’t good.
Jacob, Molly, and Sassey (sitting on blanket)
At sundown on Tuesday, Yom Kippur began. It is the holiest day of the year for Jews. That night I prayed for Sassey to make it into the Book of Life (one of the tenets of this holiday).
I used creative visualization imagining her as a healthy, romping dog again – and spending time with my father, who is 88, when he makes the trip to Israel next spring for my daughter’s wedding. He and Sassey have had a love affair since my Mom died 8 years ago. When he stayed at my home for 6 weeks after the funeral, Sassey comforted, loved, and helped him heal. I believe that her love gave him faith that life could still be good even with his profound loss.
I left the vet. on Tuesday with a feeling of dis-ease. Even though I felt that a second opinion was needed, normally I would have told myself that I was being over indulgent. Not this time.
On Thursday I saw another vet. His take on what Sassey’s illness was different. Although she’s still a sick pup, I felt more confidence in his style and the way he explained her prognosis to me.
After leaving his office, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. I finally knew that whatever happened, I had done the most I could for Sassey. I wouldn’t be living with ‘if only’. Thank goodness that I listened to my instincts.
I spent the next few days praying, visualizing, and telling myself that all was going to be OK. I kept on telling Sassey that she was a tough dog, she could make it, and I wasn’t ready for her to leave.
As a minister, when I work with dying patients, they often talk about how they’re ready to die. They share how they’re trying to hang on to life for their loved ones – who beg them not to leave.
When they ask my advice, I tell them when they’ re ready to depart this world, they can let go. That they don’t have to keep on fighting.
That’s what I’m now doing with Sassey. These past few days, as I see her becoming weaker, bumping into things, and moving haltingly, I know that it’s time for me to surrender.
I am grieving. True dog lovers know that these 4 legged creatures are not just animals for whom we have affection. Rather, they are a part of of our families.
I’m crying a lot. I tell Sassey how much I love her and that it’s OK for her to leave when she’s ready. I know that my mother will be waiting on the other side.
This morning, Sassey kept on turning around and looking up at the ceiling from all angles. I had never seen her do that. I called her name but she didn’t look at me. She was in another plane of consciousness.
Ten minutes ago, the phone rang. My spiritual mentor and dear friend, Betty Allen, died in her sleep last night. She was 88 years old.
I didn’t cry. This is what Betty had wanted for a long time. I know she’s in a better place and at peace.
For a second, I wondered if Sassey’s swirling around and looking at the ceiling had something to do with Betty’s soul. Call me crazy – but who knows?
When I sit quietly and meditate on constant change, the cycles of life, and the beauty of being alive, it offers me comfort.
And my faith? It’s what cushions and embraces me in times of sorrow and joy. It reminds me that all will work out as it’s meant to.
Now it’s your turn. Have you experienced the loss of a pet? Has your faith helped you through the process?
Fran,
This is so beautifully written. I’m sending you and Sassey peace and love. The photos are soooo cute and the name is priceless. xo
Thanks dear Tess. Your words mean a lot to me. All of the dogs come from Phoenix – can you believe it? When we talk, I’ll tell you their history which is pretty damn funny! xxoo-Fran
You totally transported me with this post Fran. I’m imagining abounding love all around you.
Love elle
xoxo
Elle – You’re a sweetheart. I feel your love coming through. xxoo-Fran
Fran,
My heart is with you! With all the four legged family members in our home, unfortunately we’ve had to go through this many times and it never gets any easier. Each one is special. Some have made their presence known after their passing, which feels so wonderful.
Know that I’m sending you and Sassey lots of loving energy!
Big Hugs!!
Paige- I know that you’ve experienced having to say good bye to your four legged multitude times over the years. I agree with that they and other beings in your life make themselves known from the other side. xxoo-Fran
Hi Fran,
Very nicely written. I’ve recently lost my 13 y.o ‘friend’ Sam to an aggressive tumour. It is tough however it is what it is…rejoice in the memories for they are never lost.
be good to yourself
David
Fran,
What a beautiful post. I am an animal lover, and you are right — they are so much more than a companion — a pet. They become loved ones who are part of the family. I send comfort and peace to both of you during this trying time. Thank you for sharing your story, and please keep us updated.
Victor-
Thanks for your thoughtful words. Yes, pets really do become a member of the family. My son has an English bull dog, Mr. Beefy, who was the ring bearer at his wedding. My daughter has a mixed breed Mila, who she treats like a princess. And my 3 pups hail from Arizona. What can I say? We just love dogs.
Frah
David – How right you are. My kids and I still tell stories about the first dog we had. I’m sorry to hear about Sam. Fran
Hi Fran:
Sorry to hear about Sassy. That is a cute photo you included.
It is definitely a tough process to go through. I took car of my cat Max for a year when he was sick. It was the toughest thing to go through. I wanted him to pass on his own, but that didn’t end up happening. It was a hard call to know when to put him to sleep, but the vet I went to was very wonderful, so that made the process somewhat easier. They actually created an alter with candles after his passing and left him overnight to let his soul/spirit transition.
While Max is no longer on this plane, he has definitely let me know he is still around in spirit.
– Wendy
Wendy-
I have NEVER heard of any ritual similar to what your vet. did for Max. How magnificent! Thanks for your kind words ~ only pet lovers understand what our animals mean to us. Fran
Sassey sure looks adorable. You are blessed to have each other in your lives.
Sending you and Sassey love and healing,
Evelyn xo
Evelyn- She is quite the queen. Thanks for your good wishes. xxoo
Hugs! Fran. Gosh, this made me cry. God is great! Hugs to your sweety Sassey – what gorgeous photos!
Oh Vidya ~ How true it is that God is great. You know since my friend died the other night, I ‘ve been having talks with her. I know she’s dancing around somewhere. I also know that whatever happens with Sassey the earth will provide. I believe that things happen exactly as they’re meant to. With love-Fran
I’m so sorry, Fran. I know what it’s like to have to say goodbye to a sweet furry friend, and so my heart truly goes out to you. Sassey looks like such a sweetie, and I am sending love for each moment that you have together.
Jodi- thanks for your kind thoughts. I’ve been through this before but it’s amazing how difficult it is~ as you know, these 4 legged creatures give us unconditional love. Fran
Fran,
Sassy is really a darling looking dog! I have never had a pet like that in my life. I often wonder what it would be like. I’m so glad you and your family got to experience that love and devotion. I hope she is still with you!!
Thinking of you,
Betsy
Betsy- She is indeed still with us. She’s a resilient chick. Yes- our entire family – kids, brother, sister, father, are BIG dog lovers. They are non-stop comedy and love. Fran
Hi Fran,
My best to you and Sassey. My dog Nellie is part of our family, so I know how you feel. It is like losing a loving family member. Thinking of you. Take care and my best.
Cathy- Thanks for your thoughts Cathy. Love the name Nellie. I didn’t grow up with dogs so when we got our first one when the kids were growing up, I had no idea how easy it is to fall in love with these 4 legged beings. Fran
A pet can easily become like part of the family and I can relate to the love and affection you have for your 4 legged friends. Faith can ease the pain and as you say help us to accept that everything is as it’s meant to be.
Carolyn-
Your words mean so much to me. It sounds like you might have a 4 legged creature yourself.
You are right. Faith does help us through difficult times…and is with us during joyful times as well. Fran